my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
