please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
