I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
