HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
