I wanna passion pit in your ass
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I want her autograph on my taint
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
