1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
