i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
