a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
