remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I understand Curling. That high.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize