its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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