if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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