We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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