Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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