i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
