and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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