we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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