My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
