apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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