Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
