HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize