She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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