he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
