i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
