margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
