do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
