Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
