if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
