I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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