Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Drake has all the answers
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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