Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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