She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
