in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
