So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
