Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
