I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
