Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
