We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
