I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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