We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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