We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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