dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
