I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
