I want to stick my p in your. b.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
