he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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