youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
