And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
