I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
