remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
the gays at disneyland are vicious
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
