She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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