Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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