hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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