Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
