tell your sister to shave her snatch
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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