Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
