he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
