The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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