Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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