It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
