I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
organizing the empties. That sober.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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