and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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