I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
