I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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