Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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