Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
