you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
